Roman historian Suetonius (70 AD – 130 AD) wrote spirited biographies of 12 roman emperors from Julius Caesar to Domitian. One of my favorites is Emperor Glaba, who, at age 73, reigned for 7 months in the year 68 AD. Why only 7 months? Answer: no big surprise considering the hyper-violence of the Roman Empire – assassins cut his throat. Suetonius makes for fascinating reading since the author peppers his history with keen philosophical insights on the life and times in the Roman Empire. Below are my comments coupled with quotes from the text.

The family of Caesars came to an end with Nero. Good riddance! The Roman people had enough of the evil clowns as emperor. Nero was succeeded by Galba who, according to Suetonius, “was not in the remotest degree allied to the family of the Caesars, but, without doubt, of very noble extraction, being descended from a great and ancient family.”

Suetonius provides us with some of the detail and color of Galba’s many years as a high official in various remote parts of the Roman Empire. One example I find particularly charming: “During his praetorship, at the celebration of games in honor of the goddess Flora, Galba presented the new spectacle of elephants walking upon ropes. ----- The Romans sure knew how to entertain. Believe it or not, this can be done! Here is a link from a modern zoo in Thailand where an elephant walks on a tightrope. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YCfGZ0n_wX8/UKecIEvEDtI/AAAAAAAABCo/m_aIGZ1uNVg/s1600/bkk-sri-elephrope.jpg

“Upon the news of Caligula's death, though many earnestly pressed him to lay hold of that opportunity of seizing the empire, he chose rather to be quiet.” And then in the reign of Nero, we read: “Galba gave himself up to a life of indolence and inactivity, from the fear of giving Nero any occasion of jealousy, and because, as he used to say, "Nobody was obliged to render an account of their leisure hours."” --------- Galba had the wisdom to lay low at the outskirts of the empire during turbulent times. Thus, he made it to age 73, remarkable for a Roman leader during the bloodbaths from the time of Caligula to Nero.

“He possessed himself of the imperial power with more favor and authority than he administered it, although he gave many proofs of his being an excellent prince: but these were not so grateful to the people, as his misconduct was offensive.” ---------- But when Galba was proclaimed emperor, things changed. He did some good but his cruelty, stinginess, self-aggrandizement and self-indulgence outweighed any good.

“Galba’s hands and feet were so distorted with the gout, that he could neither wear a shoe, nor turn over the leaves of a book, or so much as hold it. He had likewise an excrescence in his right side, which hung down to that degree, that it was with difficulty kept up by a bandage.” ---------- A well-known Roman philosophic maxim: Mens sana in corpore sano (A sound mind in a sound body). Suetonius writes a vivid picture of a man who had neither.

“He was governed by three favorites, who, because they lived in the palace, and were constantly about him, obtained the name of his pedagogues. These were Titus Vinius, a man of insatiable avarice; Cornelius Laco, a person of intolerable arrogance and indolence; and his freedman Icelus, dignified a little before with the privilege of wearing the gold ring. ---------- Sounds like Galba turned over the Roman Empire to the 3 stooges – Greedy, Haughty, and Showy. Greco-Roman philosophers and historians continually emphasized the need to choose wise friends and counselors. Galba had influence and power, enough to be appointed emperor, but, turns out, he lacked that one critical quality: wisdom.

“By this conduct, he incurred the hatred of all orders of the people, but especially of the soldiery. For their commanders having promised them in his name a sum of money larger than usual, upon their taking the oath to him before his arrival at Rome; he refused to make it good, frequently bragging, "that it was his custom to choose his soldiers, not buy them." Thus the troops became exasperated against him in all quarters.” ---------- Hey, Galba! What were you thinking? Pissing off the soldiers and not giving them the money you promised – bad idea, very bad idea.

Then, shortly thereafter, when the solider gathered round Galba and unsheathed their swords, Glaba cried out, "What do you mean, fellow-soldiers? I am yours, and you are mine," and promised them money.” ---------- Sorry, Galba. Too little, too late. It cost your life.